hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
