Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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