I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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