ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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