I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
