i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
