i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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