Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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