I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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