hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
