she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
