Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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