omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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