pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
