I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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