She is in my trunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
