Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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