your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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