If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
