I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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