Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My cat gives me a boner
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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