I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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