He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
