i need an iv and a liver transplant
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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