Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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