Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
