fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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