Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
