Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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