According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
