i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
