so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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