Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
