I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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