ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
