NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
