I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
