Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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