i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
