the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
