just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
