thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
