Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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