I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
