scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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