when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
