Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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