don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
