it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
