The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
