You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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