you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
