do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
