someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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